Heavy

I've been having a hard time getting onto the mat for a real practice lately. I lost my rhythm when I was sick and haven't found it again. I think I am having some PPD issues. I feel like my energy has been drained. Maybe it has been - through my boobs. My little vampire baby. I love her with all my heart, but I swear the kid lives entirely on my vital life force. My prana in liquid form. All my qi in my breasts. She doesn't sleep much and refuses most solid food, but she will nurse. I thought second babies were supposed to be easier.

I feel like I'm moving through wet sand. Every movement is met with resistance. Everything I do requires ten times more effort than usual.

I've been working on this blog entry for three days now. Every time I write a sentence or two I get interrupted.

Anyway...

I've been continuing to work on picking up and jumping back in a seated vinyasa. I'm already seeing some improvement. I can now lift high enough to swing my legs until my toes are directly under my body. This improvement was enough to motivate me through my practice yesterday. I made it all the way through primary for the first time in awhile. I wasn't able to lift up in all the vinyasas yet, but probably about a third of them.

I'm noticing that there is a lot going on in the body when I try to lift up and jump back. The first time I learned how to jump back,  I was relatively stronger (in relation to my current state of overall weakness). I didn't notice how much work was happening in my back, in my shoulders, in my arms. Even in my hips. There's a lot going on. Now that I'm having to work so much harder for it than I did in my twenties, I have a much greater appreciation for how difficult this is.