Friday, October 2, 2009

Day 39: Stiff and Tired

Early morning practice today was rough. I was exhausted but somehow organized my limbs into some semblance of the postures. Maybe my heart wasn't in it, but I put my body through the motions. Locks and breath, not so much. I could have fallen asleep when I was done, but it was time to get dinner in the slow cooker and feed the family breakfast.

The girls have had a busy social calendar the last couple of days. Yesterday we had a playdate with Mia's friend Max and his Mama Lissa. Later that afternoon Beth stopped by for a visit. Today Kristina came by for lunch.

Kristina said something to help me put my recent concerns into perspective. I wish I'd written it down, because it was so beautiful the way she said it. To paraphrase, she said that when people assume that you want the same things that they do, that's just their ego talking. She reminded me that I am already happy and that I already have everything that I need. I have two beautiful daughters. I have an amazing husband and a fantastic sex life. I live in a highly walkable central Austin neighborhood (I can walk to four different coffee houses, more restaurants than I can count, a great park, our community garden, our church and more). My life is good.

Sure, my collegues who graduated the same time that I did and have been working ever since might be in a better financial situation, but I wouldn't trade places with any of them. OK, Katie's downtown apartment is pretty fabulous. I could be one of those hip moms strolling around downtown with my kids in a fancy urban stroller. I do have a serious weakness for downtown living. That's why when I found out that Tom's geographical living requirements are even more limiting than mine, I knew we'd be great together. But my lack of a fancy downtown apartment isn't breaking my heart. My heart is too full to break.

So that is what I'm meditating on. Contentment. I'm already content. Sometimes I just need to remind myself that I am.

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