Friday, September 4, 2009

Day 11: drained

Nothing much to report today. Tom was still home from work so he made Mia take a nap. I rocked Eevory to sleep then jumped onto the mat. I didn't feel as strong as yesterday, but I know that's normal. Two steps forward, one step back is to be expected for awhile. I'm starting to feel a little run down. Not really sick, just exhausted and my throat feels a little scratchy. I've been continuing with the echinacea, vitamin C and I've started gargling with Hydrogen Peroxide.

Both girls have been wanting to nurse all day today. I feel literally and figuratively drained. Breastfeeding. It's a beautiful thing but it can take a lot out of you. So much so that I didn't feel like there was much to bring to the mat today.

I found myself thinking about a yoga course I took through UT informal classes my freshman year in college. On the first day the instructor singled me out and said, "See, this is the problem with flexible people. She looks like she's doing the posture because she has her hands in the right place, but her body is completely wrong. She thinks she's doing it, but she's really cheating." I was mortified. I was 18 years old, totally self conscious, not my first yoga class but still a beginner. I just wanted to be invisible. I dreaded coming to class each week since she liked to single me out to demonstrate how not to do postures.

I thought of that because now that I'm practicing at home, there's no pressure to look like I'm doing the full version of the posture. I can work on a posture without fear of being called out by a teacher or judged by other students. I still just want to be invisible when I'm in class. I just want to blend in.

I'll try to write more tomorrow, but for now, I'm off to bed.


  1. I always wince when I read/hear someone's first experience with yoga and it ends up being weird or awful. All I remember, from my first days of "beginner Ashtanga" was a guy napping in the back wearing a turban and the teacher saying things like, "There are a bunch of poses next, but we're skipping them"... huh? That didn't make me happy. But then, I didn't know what I was doing, so I guess in the end, it all worked out.

    Enjoy your Saturday "day of rest"!

  2. Luckily my first experience with yoga was pretty good. I was with my mother at the Westbank Community Center in a class made up entirely of old people. I now realize that a lot of them were probably the age I am now, but I was 14 at the time so they seemed ancient. I think they thought it was pretty cute having a teenager in their class. Everyone was really nice to me.

    I'm not allowing myself any days of rest until I make it to 40 days. It's something I starting doing when I was really into Kundalini yoga. When I want to start a new habit, I do it every day for 40 days. That's why I'm counting days.